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Issue 11
June 2008
Does Not Compute
Does Not Compute
The error messages that pop up daily on computer monitors everywhere confound computer users of all skill levels. For the record, The Awkward Adverb would like to reassure beaten-down desktop and laptop users that their confusion is not their fault. By and large, computer error messages are overly technical, badly written, and unhelpful to say the least.
For example, the first message above says, "The requested operation requires elevation." Like on a chair? Another warns the user that "The HouseCall-API did not define a Native Binding!" but no one on Earth has any idea what that means. The last message shouts, "Error!! Digital TV Box disappear, applicaion must close." We suppose this programmer didn't have access to a spelling and grammar checker.
Here at The Awkward Adverb, we sometimes wonder if humans are in fact even writing these error messages. Maybe a benevolent higher power has infiltrated our computers and wishes to break down our intellect with mystifying statements, similar to how Zen disciples ruminate over paradoxes on their journeys toward enlightenment.
Above, the first message says it is "Unable to display this message." How mind-boggling! The second says, "Test cannot be started because it already does not exist," which in a way makes perfect sense. Another invites computer users to contemplate the nature of infinitely small numbers with the injunction, "The value must be between 0 in and 0 in." Finally, the last message, courtesy of Microsoft Excel, has ventured beyond language and expresses its wonderment of the universe with a wordless question mark.
About this E-mail
The Awkward Adverb, an e-mail newsletter sent out once a month, highlights English-language flaws that have appeared on a sign, in print, on the Web, or anywhere in the public sphere. It may address grammatical errors, careless usage, bothersome buzzwords, punctuation problems, misspellings, or confusing writing in general.
Subscribers are encouraged to submit their findings for future editions of The Awkward Adverb by responding to this e-mail. Archived past issues of the newsletter are located here.
Henry Alpert, editor of The Awkward Adverb, is a New Orleans-based copywriter and business writer who works with businesses, ad agencies, and graphic design firms on a wide array of writing projects. For more information about his services, visit action-copy.com.
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